Jealousy

Putting too much strength in the sincerity, or lack thereof, in others. Wishing for more, wanting what others have, forgetting what I already have and earned. Earning more and watching other people get for little to nothing. Being pretty has it’s plus side. Bringing people with me in my mission, letting them tag alone, sharing the glory and taking a back seat myself. Being greedy and vain.

Having trouble with “Thoughts Becoming Things”. Maybe realizing I do have a mild form of depression, in the way that I cannot, nay, have troubles stopping the negative thoughts from flooding. Do people really think good things all the time? Or are we all stuck in our minds, saying bitter things that we dare not let fall from our mouths? I always thought that to be true.

Because of mom. Because I know it is true of her. And because so, it is true of Dad. And so with me. What a cycle.

So, I try. I need to try harder, in everything. I could make a list, as usual, but I already know.

Am I compassionate to myself? Or am I just easy? Do I just make excuses for myself?

Am I compassionate in the way that I truly believe I will find love? In the way that I don’t put myself in a position where I think I may regret later, for not staying true to myself? In the way that I pamper my body with feeling pretty and taking care of myself; feeding my body good food and water; using it properly? In the way that I treat my mind with respect and my soul with good energy, taking time to meditate and become more whole?

Oh, to stop being cynical and doubtful and comparative.
Ode to being true to the words of kindness to all, (yourself included).
Joy, you be who I am meant to be.

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